I Lu-Lu-Lu- Oh hell, I Give Up

<----- Have stick figure cartoon people ever made more sense?

Have you ever read "Maybe He's Just Not That Into You" I have...Yet I apparently still have a problem with ACTUALLY LIVING IT.
The sad thing is that the "strong woman" inside of me totally gets the book. No B.S., no complications, no excuses... If he wants to be with me, He WILL BE WITH ME...Right? Simple enough... Then, here it comes ladies and gentlemen... You, the "strong woman" suddenly get hit - blindsided - with a "I just don't know how I feel..."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Run for the hills, 9-1-1, FIRE, Alert Alert...

Now what? Suddenly, that STRONG Woman... is spiralling through every time a man has let her down. The absent father, the slam bam thank you ma'am, the ones who just seem to disappear... Maybe this time it will be dif...diffffffff....argh... I can't even say it. So now what? Here I am, weak, blind, confused and ready to don my safety helmet... He's got me AND his freedom while I'm left with "I DON'T KNOW" Ok... here's a thought... A man is offered a job making $500K a year. Doesn't matter doing what cuz that's good money! Anyway, benefits, money, everything... what does he say? Does he take the job? OF COURSE... and why is that?

BECAUSE HE CAN RECOGNIZE THAT IT'S A GOOD THING!!!!

Do you hear that ladies? Do we ever truly say "I don't know" to good things? To something that we value, appreciate or cherish do we EVER say, well, hold on, maybe, we'll see, I just don't know.

So... what does that tell me? I'm not of value to this person. I am not of the utmost importance. So, it doesn't matter what I feel for them...HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO ME!!!

So, you wimpy little whiney sad-sack of a girl, put your big girl panties on and deal with it! Anyone who loves you wouldn't say that they didn't know if they wanted to be with you!

And, boys and girls, that means that the man-hating, she-ra, she-bitch, STRONG WOMAN has to come back into action.

if you can't show enough smarts to appreciate the kind, compassionate, supportive, understanding, loving, giving, fun, GODDESS who is right in front of you... Go To Hell!!!

Get it?

Got it?

GOOD!

What's it all about ...Alfiiiiieeee?

Sooo, this is my eye... lol

Anyway, my crochet bug has persisted. It's kind of funny considering that the weather is now warming up. Can anyone explain? I think I'm making a shawl type of wrap item? No clue. We'll just see when it's done. It's kind of like abstract art to me...I don't really know what it is I'm making... I'm just going in the direction that feels right.



Can anyone tell me if they think that there's any possibility in making money with any of this? Grrr...

I continue to grow frustrated and stressed over my current life... well, past and future too, but consider that the current life is the now and now is where I am, I guess that's what I'll need to focus on...

Is it completely wrong, immature or idiotic to be 31 years old (eeewwww) and have no clue at all what you want from your life or who the hell you are? I used to know... a few years ago, I knew that I was a mother and wanted to be, that I was a wife and wanted to be and that I was a manager of a place that I respected, in which I felt respected and valued and thought that I was doing well... that I may even be able to be considered as successful.

Now, March of 2009, well, I don't know any of that.... well... except the mom part. Come on, that had to have been a given right?

How I feel is that I'm drowning in:

• Mom
  
• Daughter


• Granddaughter


• Sister


• Girlfriend


• Employee


• "Ex"


• Friend


• Nurse


• Maid


• Cook


• Supporter


• Therapist

That's a lot to be!

Then, there's what I want to be/feel:

• free


• creative


• crafty


• singer


• artist


• entrepreneur


• respected


• trusted


• loved


• great mother... GREAT


• invincible


• free


• active

................................Weeeeeeell.... that list could go on! FOREVER!

So anyway, what do I do with all this? How do you get "help" when you don't have time...sincerely don't have time. I find myself growing envious... GREEN with it... of people who don't have children, who get along with their ex, who's children behave more than misbehave, seem to have time, who are focused, who are driven... again, this too could be never-ending.

What's my point!?!? I don't know. If I knew, hell, then I probably wouldn't need to write it down. I've lost all drive, focus, passion... I've really lost a lot...

Every ending leads to a new beginning