Tuesday, March 31, 2009
I have been fortunate enough to have been blessed with a "little" brother (he's over 6 ft something) and sister...
Now some would call "technicality" on me as while we have the same mother, our father's are different. That would a HALF brother and sister... but seriously... you either are or you aren't...Right?
Anyway, they live over 1100 miles away and I can't even begin to tell you how much that's been ripping me apart.
I was pretty lucky growing up when it came to my brother. He's about 9.5 years younger than I and I had a lot of time with him (relatively speaking) before I was all grown up and wasn't able to get out there to visit as much. I carried him, snuggled him, picked on and tortured him (c'mon I am oldest!) and dragged him with me where ever I went whenever I could. He was and always will be my munchkin.
With my sister, I just never had enough time. Now she's all but grown up and so far away and GOD...what am I missing out on!?!?! Here's this gorgeous, sweet girl who is MY sister and I don't really know her... you know?
I have personally felt very alone lately, which is most likely the cause of my sort of home-sick feeling for the sister and brother that I have but never really had. In my life, family is a pretty scarce thing. We don't really have gatherings, no one is very close (location) or hangs out. At least not in any way that I'm included. This tends to make me feel like a piece of flux floating on the ocean...no real home or place to settle.
Here I am and my little brother is all grown up. He's 21, on his own, job, school, girl, the whole 9 yards. And I don't know that I'll ever get real time with him again. I really want that real time.
And my sister... just turned 17... enough said there...
So, it would seem that my chance is past. You just can't ever seem to regain the connections once you've missed them. I love my siblings... more than they would ever know or believe... but what's left to do with that?
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
In my life, all through it...as long as I can remember, I've always felt scattered... and as my consciousness has grown, I've increasingly come to believe that there is something in me that is out of balance.
Zen? Spirit? No clue... HOWEVER... I've come across a site that more than 100,000 have found before me and it's AMAZING!
The wrong era? Decade?
It's funny as I have always felt like I belonged in the 60's.
I'm a more "can't we all just get along" kind of person. I like things to be bohemian and different...
What do you think?
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
It's one of those days... we hear that expression all the time and we all have our own definitions.
The bracelet you see here is for Leukemia awareness.
Now just a couple of years ago, I wouldn't have even known how to spell Leukemia with any certainty. Now, I can spout off terms, diagnosis, side-effects, medications, and so on with ease.
My son had always been the picture of health until this diagnosis.
Today is no different than any other day while living with Leukemia, but today seems to be hitting me particularly hard. For a while now his liver function tests have been elevated. It's killing me because I feel as though I am killing my child with the cure! Seriously speaking, most of what he's taking are poisons and he still has so much more to go... how does a mommy handle that?
For instance, these "medications" affect the brain, kidneys, bladder, liver, heart...EVERYTHING. We're talking life-long side effects here people. LIFE LONG.
THIS IS SIMPLY NOT ACCEPTABLE!
How is it, how can it be that this nation- - - supposedly the most powerful nation - - - is also the most selfish!?!?!
We can invest money and spend money to make "her" boobs bigger, lips more plump, stomach flat, or "his" johnson larger, wrinkles reduced...
We can spend money on vehicles too large and further pollute our planet, we can find ways to make unripened fruits and veggies "look" good and taste horrible and lost all nutritional value.
We spend tons on new... NEW...NEW Houses, clothes, shoes, cars, etc...just to replace ones that are already there and work just fine.
Yet, in this land of plenty, of over-indulgence, of excess... we can't cure cancer...not really... at least not without poisoning those already sufferring from it. When can we finally focus on healing cancer patients without taking them to the verge of death and ruining the rest of their lives?
Just a thought... $5.2 billion was spent on cancer research...in the same year... over $13 billion spent on unnecessary cosmetic surgery. Chew on that a moment while imagining it was your child and not mine.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Anyway, my crochet bug has persisted. It's kind of funny considering that the weather is now warming up. Can anyone explain? I think I'm making a shawl type of wrap item? No clue. We'll just see when it's done. It's kind of like abstract art to me...I don't really know what it is I'm making... I'm just going in the direction that feels right.
Can anyone tell me if they think that there's any possibility in making money with any of this? Grrr...
I continue to grow frustrated and stressed over my current life... well, past and future too, but consider that the current life is the now and now is where I am, I guess that's what I'll need to focus on...
Is it completely wrong, immature or idiotic to be 31 years old (eeewwww) and have no clue at all what you want from your life or who the hell you are? I used to know... a few years ago, I knew that I was a mother and wanted to be, that I was a wife and wanted to be and that I was a manager of a place that I respected, in which I felt respected and valued and thought that I was doing well... that I may even be able to be considered as successful.
Now, March of 2009, well, I don't know any of that.... well... except the mom part. Come on, that had to have been a given right?
How I feel is that I'm drowning in:
Then, there's what I want to be/feel:
- great mother... GREAT
So anyway, what do I do with all this? How do you get "help" when you don't have time...sincerely don't have time. I find myself growing envious... GREEN with it... of people who don't have children, who get along with their ex, who's children behave more than misbehave, seem to have time, who are focused, who are driven... again, this too could be never-ending.
What's my point!?!? I don't know. If I knew, hell, then I probably wouldn't need to write it down. I've lost all drive, focus, passion... I've really lost a lot...
Every ending leads to a new beginning
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
This is the finished product of my craft bug hat! This is hopefully the start of a beautiful friendship - you know, me and the bug!?! Lol.
Now, it's not done, and I plan to embellish it with a few crocheted flowers.
So, it's the crafting bug! I haven't done this stuff in 15 years or more! My plan is to (hopefully) do more and sell my crafts. Etsy is the goal, but you need money to make money so that will be a while!
I have a few friends with adorable little girls who can hopefully model for my accessories... and I'll be sure to include the boys too! Hopefully to come are some onesies, hats, and I don't even know what else! I'm just so excited!
This is me...being a geek...
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Allow me to ellaborate...
First, when I say that "WE" went dumpster diving... well... I am the only one insane enough to actually enter a dumpster...lol... however, K8C was truly a sport.
Picture if you will, it's dark (we met up around 10 PM), misting rain, and quite chilly in fact. We took K8C's car and headed out for our treasure hunt. I'll tell you what I've learned:
- All dumpsters are not created equal
- straddling the top of a dumpster while contemplating your entry does not feel good upon one's crotch-al type areas
- that according to some (ahem ahem ahem - K8C), every dark place, every train track, and every large box is a sure sign of Hobos. Hobos, in case you did not know are always creepy old men and always out to get you. They apparently are also very stealth in that you must be on the constant look out and wouldn't possibly hear them coming.
- Big Lots and Ollies truly have the best stuff!
- We must start noting when trash pick-up is for different locations.
- Before getting carried away and fishing out everything cool...check the first couple to make sure there's no real reason that they are in the garbage.
- Not all things slippery in a trash can are yucky...they just are until you realize what they are...lol
- Grocery stores throw away stuff that really is still good!
- You CAN in fact fish very well with what used to be a broom handle - however - said broom handle cannot handle an industrial garbage back full of granola bars.
All in all, I would dare to say that I had an absolute blast! Here's the take:
- Granola bars - I haven't counted, but at least 100
- Mini bottles of shampoo
- Toy Car
- Travel coffee mug
- garbage bags - not used - a torn box of perfect garbage bags
- ear bud headphones - they work
- a picture frame - glass in tact, needs one side super glued
- adorable boys lamp shade
- Special K bars
- Cute decorative curtain anchors
- a really pretty lace curtain - nothing at all wrong with it
- And, the Creme-de-la-creme - the perfect can with no label!
Check out the pictures!
This is definitly an adventure that I plan on doing again and again...and I hope dearest Kylie 8 Cake will continue to join me!
Now...here's a special treat... We have decided that we simply must have a contest! Guess the contents of the mystery can! K8C believes it to be creamed corn and I believe it to be chunked pineapple. Lol. We are a creative pair. Indeed.
What do you win!?!?!?!?!?
$10!! That's TEN DOLLARS!! Ten Buckaroos.... (must have paypal)
To enter they have to guess what is in the can and post your answer here...
If there is more than one right answer, then I'll use random.org to select the winner from all correct answers.
You'll get 1 extra entry each for
1. Follow me
2. follow kylie ate cake4
3. subsribe to kylie ate cake's newsletterSo, come on boys and girls ...Tell me what you think!! I gotta hear from you before 10 PM EST. on March the 31st!
Follow me, get all the points you can and tell me what's in the mystery can!
Saturday, March 14, 2009
How do I know if someones "Bi?" Just like any other sexual orientation, there's no "right or wrong" way to be bisexual.
Some would argue that bisexuality isn't even real. That persons of this orientation are simply confused.
Bisexuals often face reticule, not only as what's faced by the gay community, but they don't fit the mold of heterosexual, nor do they fit in with homosexual.
And, not helping the matter is the media's depiction of bisexuality. Showing bisexuals as sex addicts, indiscriminate, without any standards, taste or class.
So, tell me...What do you think? I would love some comments on this...to truly know what you think. Think Think Think Think...
Ok, seriously... I can tell you that people feel what they feel and believe what they believe. I know it is not my place to judge. Besides I am simply the weirdest person I know, so who am I to say. I know people of every orientation and I cherish them all for everything that they are...
Do you feel differently if a friend tells you "Sally, I need to tell you that I am bi" Now, I have known people to be like "So?" and I have known others to instantly think that she was going to hit on her...Lol. Again...what do you think?
I do think people who are Bi have an "easier" time when it comes to coming out simply because they don't have to... most family and even friends don't even ever need to know. Simply because they can appear to be "normal" ... i.e. heterosexual.
Have you ever thought about it? Someone of the same sex? Are you that guy who dreams of "girl on girl?" Lol...well, we all have our own lives...right?
Friday, March 13, 2009
Do YOU have Trisadekaphobia? paraskavedekatriaphobia? friggatriskaidekaphobia?
Is it anything 13 related...or just Friday the 13th... Let's investigate, Shall we?
Did you know that 2009 has THREE Friday the 13ths? Usually, there are two of these in a year. So, is 2009 EXTRA unlucky? Lol...
- Superstitious diners in Paris can hire a quatorzieme, or professional 14th guest.
- It's been estimated that [U.S] $800 or $900 million is lost in business on this day because people will not fly or do business they would normally do.
- According to superstition, if you cut your hair on Friday the 13th, someone in your family will die.
- A myth says that if a funeral procession passes you on Friday the 13th, you are the next to die.
- Tupac died on Friday the 13th
- Castro was born on Friday the 13th
Ok... so are you worried? Should I be worried? I can tell you, honestly, if it CAN go wrong, it WILL go wrong for ME! Lol... I do try to maintain a humorous view of this fact, and I mean that it is a FACT! Ask and I'll prove it. Ha!
Anyway, I've never found anything in my personal life that corresponds with Friday the 13th... heck, never even anything with 13 that I can recall.
So...It's my (un)scientific conclusion that it's all a big pile of pffffffffft.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Ok, I realize it's a new blog... and all that jazz...but if you know me personally, you'll know that I am totally and completely in love with, a complete whore for, I should work in their Marketing department... ALDI!!
If you don't know Aldi... Check it out... see if there's one close... etc.
Anyway... I am one of those oddities that thinks each line, mark, crow's foot/feet is making me look that much older. And the funny thing is I'm so not vain. ANYWAY...My lover (Aldi) now has skin care http://aldi.us/us/html/product_range/7196_7527_ENU_HTML.htm
I don't care who you are...That's freakin' awesome! And, I glanced at it briefly when I was in there last time and it's so cheap!!! Compare it to even a regular brand like Olay and WOW... WOOOOOOOO ....soooo groovy!
Anyway, I wanted to tell you about some of my most recent addictions. Now keep in mind, the majority of my addictions starts with a computer and then moves into the real world.
**Small pat on the back, I smoked for 12 years and have now been smoke free since February 2, 2008**
Moving on... here is one of them http://kylie8cake.blogspot.com/ ok ladies and gents... this blog rocks and here's why, cuz the writer rocks! Creative, quirky, a punk, diva, mom spirit on a quest! She keeps my ADD afflicted interests so yeah, she's good! Plus, she does all kinds of rockin' good giveaways...see...She's the bestest! TOLD YA SO! Her latest is a cook book...good stuff...
Next is http://groups.yahoo.com/group/hagerstownFreecycle/ this is such a fun social experiment! One man's trash is TRULY another's treasure! It's been great. I've been able to successfully purge so much unnecessary junk! And let me tell you, I'm a pack rat!!! So this is truly a big deal, and has been really spiritually uplifting! So yeah, that's cool and fun and even makes you feel like you're giving something back to the community. I mean hey, it's better than rotting in the dump right?
Alright, this is the MOST recent addiction http://www.etsy.com/. Yeah...This one also comes courtesy of Ms. Kylie8cake! (told ya she was cool, she finds all the neato stuff) This is like shopping every craft fair, gypsy stand, flea market, ecclectic, antique store and show all at once! Not to mention, if you're in the market for a unique and heart-felt give...THIS is the place to go! It's amazing...the people are so dang creative! So yeah...Check that one out too...
Don't get me wrong, there's far more to my life... my other addictions are music (music music music music music music), cooking, eating (ugh), driving, decorating, crafting, MOVIES and on and on and on... I have TOO many addictions because you know what...There's not enough time for it all! Ah! I need more time to parent, work, housework AND feed my addictions... Anyone know how?
Ok...whew... gotta come down from the high now... back to real work...sssshhhhhhh
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Do you believe in random acts of kindness?
How about paying it forward- like the movie?
I do... I'm the happy pessimist, yes, but I do believe that these things can work. The question is how? I love doing good deeds, charitable work, etc. I want to do it all...and then end up achieving nothing.
Anyway... what have you achieved? I've given when the moment arises... like a lady who was obviously not well to do who was a few dollars short in paying for her sparse groceries. I couldn't help but turn and give her what she needed. Can't all of humanity be that way?
Is it then selfish to wonder where someone is with those few dollars for you? No... we all have needs.
Let's just start fresh and do something new; Try this:
- Buy a few dollars worth of lottery tickets and give them to strangers
- pass along good reviews to the manager of your waiter or on the phone
- Give up your seat for someone
- Help an elderly neighbor - mow the yard, clear the sidewalks, offer to go to the store for them
- Hand out single flowers to strangers with a smile
- Write simple happy notes and leave them some place public...
It's just little things... You may be surprised what comes of it. If nothing else, I love that warm fuzzy feeling inside.
Can anyone tell me why the evil seem to prosper? GRRRR
Ok, seriously... I know many ex's, his, yours, mine...whatever. I know an ex who after cheating, pregnancy from cheating, then...THEN... Get's given a brand new, very very nice vehicle after getting the one that they were driving repo'ed... Mind you, the one repo'ed was also in the other spouses name! WHAT? Lol... is that how it's supposed to work?
Another one, ALSO cheats, ALSO ends up in a pregnancy through said cheat... they get to move to a nicer house... they get family that buys them all new household items, furniture, everything. WHAT!?!
so... how does Evil prosper? My dear friends if someone can truly answer that for me, the universe would make sense. Yet...You have those that try to balance, take care of everyone else, take the high road, give, and just genuinely be decent. . . and what do those friends get? Hm, a hard time, being broke, no support, struggles and tears.
Ok Ok ...I swear I don't always want to complain... sometimes ya just gotsta get it out!
I don't know about you, but I can tell you that who I portray to the world is not who I want to be; who I see deep down inside my soul when I look into soul's mirror. I think that the image that I portray is boring... as much so as I am bored with it really. However, I feel as though I'm trapped by how things "Should" be...how I should look for work...should be to attract the right kind of boyfriend or friends...How I should look to gain respect...How a mom should be and look... I'm SHOULDING myself into an early grave!
So, that's the question...are you shoulding all over yourself? Who are you and who do you portray?
With me, I portray the mom, the typical one at that minus the doting husband because well, he decided to stick his dote somewhere else...LOL. I am the girl next door, the "normal" girl, the blah blah blah...You see where I am going? The 21st century mom, employee, etc.
Who am I really and who do I WISH I could be? Wow... I want to have a lot of different tattoos-not random, no, but I already have it all laid out! I have one now.... I want to have more piercings... I currently have 7, and there are about 7 more that I'd like and for the most part...I can't... purely because of the image that employee me has to portray. UGH! I want to be me... I'm artistic and creative, I love to cook, and be down right silly and make no sense. I want to be different but ....
I wish I could toughen myself up, do Tae Bo, become a vegetarian. I think I lack real convictions. I want to do it all, save it all, be it all... and yet...I don't have a clue who I am...Lol...Should I not know that by now? Really? Do you know? Who are you?
http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv <--- can this help? Lol, How about
Who knows...but if you find that answer....dude! Lemme Know!
I seriously think my life is a slow decent into insanity... and maybe I just don't know it. One of those surreal maybe my life is just someone else's dream kinds of things.
Anyway, I'm on a mission to learn new things everyday. Actually, it's one of my many missions. See, I'm, well, Uh... I'm:
- a pack rat
- an educator
- a pupil
- an artist
I go in too many different directions at once and can't seem to get where I want to go...and I dare to wonder why. HA...
So...back to the REAL topic, or title as it were...I'm PURGING!
This is a cycle that I go through fairly frequently. As much as I seemingly enjoy accumilating "stuff" I seem to gain equal enjoyment from the act of giving it away...and occasionally even turning a small profit. You see, these cycles seem to be something that I NEED to do...It's a driving force within me to get LESS stuff in my home. I get into an almost zen type of Fung Shei, minimalist type of person... an alter ego to my pack rat? Hmmm... Possibly.
Anyway, Recently, I've managed to give away a lot. Some people are shocked at what I give away, but all I can do is believe that God will provide...whichever god you choose. I believe in Karma... so, In that belief I will continue to put "things" out there for those who will end up needing it and have faith that when I have a need, the universe will somehow supply it.
What do you believe?